The Crying Game.

By now everyone knows that me and Bearded Lumberjack have made like a banana and split.

The first few days were rough but thankfully I have had work to distract me.

I am slowly moving on (and all that cliché break-up stuff) which is good for me but there is one thing that has me tripping balls.

I have not cried.

The reason why this is odd for me is because I tend to be a crier... a silent soundless crier... but a crier nonetheless.

Also, I think I cried more when we were together because of how emotionally invested I was:

1.       In one instance I cried because I was heart sore about something.

2.       In two other instances I cried when we were having a bonding moment.

---- I am an emotional guy okay. I think my emotional nature was why I managed to help out with an autism study actually so it’s not a bad thing I would like to think, but wearing my heart on my sleeve does come with many issues ----

This year –in fact, the last four months actually– has been one major learning experience after the other. They say you never really know yourself until you are faced with challenges and I have been learning a lot about myself, both good and bad.

Previously I wrote a whole blog post moping about not being able to fall for someone and all that angst related stuff that I said was not angst.

Well fast-forward to now and I’ve been through a relationship which only lasted a month.

Actually the one before this lasted two months – though I did see both of them about a handful of times, so clearly I am simultaneously getting better and worse at this relationship thing.

At the rate that I am going, my next relationship will last two weeks and I will have seen the person a handful of times too before we break-up.  I will laugh if that happens actually...not really, but somewhat.

ANYWAY, my weird humour and short-lived dating life aside, I must say that I have learned a lot from both relationships.

As much as it would be expected of me to bitch about the bearded lumberjack ex, this blog post isn’t about that because I am not that type of person. Bad mouthing the ex seems like a waste of energy to me especially when there is equal fault.

Basically, this post is specifically related to how difficult dating can be:

Honesty when Communicating

Honesty is important, like your relationship can sink or swim depending on this.

You need to be honest about how you are feeling but you also need to be sensitive about how you tell someone something. This is the dangerous dance that not everyone manages to get right.

Sure, being honest is hard, but lying helps no one. Added with that is the difficulty of trying to be honest while not hurting the feelings of the person you are dating.

It is so easy for things to be misconstrued so there needs to be a certain amount of tact when telling someone something.

Often times some people will tell you about the issues they are having with the relationship when it’s too late and then there is nothing you can do which will help or fix the situation.

Commitment

You have to be willing to stick it out and can’t be bailing after every fight or moment of anxiety about the relationship. Sure sometimes relationship do come to end but I make sure that I don’t regret not having done everything I could to prevent the relationship ending.

If I know that I have done that then I don’t feel too bad about the ways things turn out.

Life happens and sometimes something ends because there is something else further along the path where you need to be.

Timing:

Never start relationships weeks before they are about to write exams...

That is asking for trouble and it will only cause issues.

Also don’t rush it...I got too eager and invested too quickly and that in turn put pressure on both of us.

I made both of these mistakes and it ended poorly.

Letting it go

When all you want to do is hold them as close as possible, it is then that sometimes you just have to let them go.

Some people want to run away from happiness and commitment for various reasons, there is nothing you can do sometimes except just letting them be.

As long as you know that you tried your best to fight for the relationship, and you have no regrets about how things turned out, then all you have left to do is pull an Elsa and “Let it go”.

It’s never easy but there is nothing you can do about it.

I at least made an effort and the lumberjack just wasn’t interested and felt like I was being manipulative about wanting to get back together.

I was insulted by that sentiment because it made it seem like all I was concerned was about my feelings and what I wanted, but I had to learn to let it go.

We were both left hurt and frustrated but getting uptight now helps no one- we just have to deal.

We are all doing the best with the life we were given...sometimes you hold on for dear life, other times you need to let go.

That is just how the cookie crumbles.

Homosexuality:

This is not exactly something that can be avoided in my case but a consequence of coming out late is that while your heterosexual friends get to play the field and learn about stuff, you only get to start playing catch up and learning the rules.

Basically what this means is that I have only recently been learning the in and outs of dating...and boy is it hard.

It is not easy... it’s a steep learning curve that nothing can prepare you for.

Conclusion:

Obviously given my poor track record, I think that it is a given that I am going to be single for a while. I don’t have the emotional energy (nor am I ready) to start something new. I need to focus on me and make me a better person.

Maybe I am just a date one person a year kinda guy? Who knows? But clearly if we are going according to that statistic, then my quota has been filled for now and I will just wait until 2016 or beyond.

Title: The name of this blog post was titled “The Dating Game” but I changed it to “The Crying Game” because of a song that a friend from school (Rachel) suggested I listen to.

Theo. Over and Out.

PS - I also feel that my creative writing will be all the better for it too. I don’t write fiction as much as what I would like, but when I do, it makes me happy.

The Lion’s Tunes #2

Welcome to another edition of The Lion’s Tunes.

At the suggestion of a close friend, I decided to put my love of music to good use.

She pointed out to me that since I love music and listen to so much of it, I should share what songs I’m currently jamming to at the moment.

If you follow me on twitter then you’d know I usually tweet about what music has got me all caught up and catching feelings.

If I can sum up this week’s music selection it would be – Soulful, Truth Bombs and Sassy Funk.

I’m by no means a music expert and I won’t pretend to be. Most of what will be written here is information I’ve learned on the net and just my personal opinions on the songs. So have at it...

·         Song: Gold Dust

Artist: Galantis

Album:

Description:

After hearing their hit song “You & I (Runaway)” I knew that I wanted to hear more from this group. There was something about the song that just couldn’t get me to leave it alone. Sometimes with some EDM songs you don’t know whether they a momentary flash in the pans or something you will be able to hear on your playlist without skipping- “You and I (Runaway)” is a song like that for me.

 After a quick search, I discovered their follow up single “Gold Dust” and boy was I not disappointed. Staying in tune with their sound they deliver a track with emotion and beat. I really enjoy this track; it’s quieter but no less potent. I highly recommended it.

Additional Mention: Smile.

Interesting to note that Galantis is a Swedish duo composed of one of the Miike Snow members, Christian “Bloodshy” Karlsson and Linus Eklӧw. If you’ve heard of Miike Snow you’d know their sound is quirky given that it’s within the EDM genre but it works for them. Anyways someone on Twitter suggested I hear their song “Smile”, and as nice as it is, for me I find it somewhat generic. It’s like that song on an album that’s nice but it’ll never stand out for you.  That being said, not every song can be a superb hit so a few duds are to be expected. All in all I’d suggest giving more of their music a listen and find out if you like what they are selling because I certainly do.

·         Song:  Twisted Tongue

Artist: Misterwives

Album: Our Own House

Description:

When I was pondering about this particular song from the band, the words that came to me were “Sassy Jazzy Rock” and in some ways that perfect encapsulates their vibe. I picture myself in a vibey New York City bar, or something like the one in the movie “Going the Distance”, where you just reveal in the sound of a band and groove the night away. The band definitely knows their sound and who can deny it because it works. “Twisted Tongue” has that sass and also there’s a lovely section in the song where they get funky which just works so well. I think “Twisted Tongue” should be playing in movie scenes and credits.

I’m listening to this song now and it made me think of Duffy is some ways. With music it is only common to compare artists and the sound of Misterwives reminds me of Duffy, but I think that is just because of the lead singer’s voice. I wouldn’t automatically dismiss them if you dislike Duffy though. There is something so catchy about the song. You might not hear it on the first listen (I didn’t) but this song is soo funky. I bet you that you’ll be singing the tune or lyrics of “...you just managed to mask what’s now clear as glass, and that is – you’re an ASS-HOLE.”

Additional Mention: Reflections

Their funky side becomes clearer in this song. I really don’t have much further to add other than the above. All I want to do is just stop typing and groove along to the song. Reflections grew on me.

·         Song: Hard Time

Artist: Seinabo Sey

EP: For Madeleine

Description:

This song fits into my own made genre of what I like to call “Truth Bomb EDM”. It's the type of song you dance to in your room at night with your eyes closed and just shutting yourself off from the rest of the world. Having some de-stress alone time. The drum beat gives me that Amazonian Marching Band vibe. Please please please go and give this song a listen because the voice of this Swedish-Gambian singer should be heard.

“Hard time forgiving, even harder forgetting; before you do somethin’, you might regret...”

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/who-is-seinabo-sey-introducing-the-swedishgambian-singer-inspired-by-her-dual-identity-9600349.html

Additional Mention: Younger

This song was released before their song “Hard Time”, and I didn’t like it. I thought that the potential was there but the song didn’t really do much. As what often happens with me is that I sometimes judge songs too quickly, and not all songs make a home in your heart immediately. This one grew on me and while I never seek it on my playlist, when it does come on it just makes me stop and I don’t skip it. You feel the hairs on your arm raise because it just has that truth bomb factor. You just have to listen. There is something haunting but thought provoking about the song and it just makes me like it all the more for what it is.

·         Song: Say You Love Me

Artist: Jessie Ware

Album: Tough Love (Delux Edition)

I came across this saying that I just felt was so perfect; it went something to the effect of -“The right song will find you at the right time”. This song happened that way to me. I was on tumblr, browsing someone’s account when suddenly my earphones were playing this song. I immediately fell in love and went to search it. This is a song I became so obsessed with, as I was writing this week’s blog post, I found this and I had to add it.

I love this song for many reasons because it speaks to that moment when all you want from the person you have feelings is just for them to say they love you (see what I did there?). I even used it as a chapter title for my online story; this song is just pure bliss. Don’t mind me while I quote the whole Second Verse and Chorus:

“Just say you love me, just for today.

And don’t give me time, ‘cause that’s not the same

Mmm... want to feel burning flames when you say my name

Want to feel passion flow into my bones like blood through my veins.

Cause I don’t want to fall in love

If you don’t want to try

But all that I’ve been thinking of is maybe that you might

And babe it looks as though we’re running out of words to say and love’s floating away.”

Additional Mention:  Tough Love

I only heard this in the past few days and I get why it’s the title track for the album. More people really need to know about Jessie Ware. Her musicality really shines through, and she knows exactly how to use her voice. Wispy and gentle when it needs to be as witnessed in “Tough Love” and uses the power of her voice when she needs to.

Hot Pick of the Week:

·        Artist: Kwabs

EP: Walk

Soulful. Fresh. Silky.

Those are the three words I’d use describe Kwabs. There is something special about this guy, and when his album gets released in May this year, it will be a must have. As what often happens within the music industry (from my little understanding) is that these artists often release EP’s to give people a taste of their sound and then if people bite these artists are rushed into the studio to produce a full length album.

Do yourself a favour and purchase his EP (a quick Google search confirms that it’s on iTunes) because I promise you won’t be disappointed. The title track, “Walk” has been playlisted on radio stations so I’m certain you’ve heard but still, there are so many gems.  It was released in October last year but my word it’s great. As I’m typing this, I’m currently obsessing over “Into You” *dance breakdown*, getting goosebumps from “Pray For Love” and just treating my soul to some good music with “Saved”, “Last Stand”, “Wrong or Right” and “Spirit Fade”.

If all is right in the world then this talented man from Ghana will hopefully blow up in a huge way.

http://www.nme.com/blogs/nme-blogs/nme-exclusive-listen-to-kwabs-stunning-and-soulful-new-ep-walk

The “Oud maar nog nie Koud nie”:

There might not always be this section within future posts but I thought I would add it in this one nonetheless. These songs aren’t new (and may or may not exactly be well known) but yet are still banging. The section title is in Afrikaans which in English means “The old but not yet cold”.

·        Song: Woods

Artist: Bon Iver  

I came across Bon Iver after they won the Grammy actually, famously beating out Justin Bieber in some category or other. I was like well let me go give a listen to their music. I will admit that I’m still not sure if Bon Iver is one person/ duo or group because from my understanding it seems like there is the lead singer and recurring members. Getting back this song however, it gave me chills; haunting and eerie but it works. I loved how the song was describing that feeling of being lost within life by using woods as a metaphor.  We’re all just stumbling through the woods of our lives not knowing where we are going but feeling out way through it.

Additional Mention: Lost in the World (Kanye West’s version/remix of Woods).

When I first heard about this, I thought “great Kanye probably butchered the song” but when I saw the video of Kanye and the lead singer of Bon Iver (Justin Vernon) performing this together at the Coachella music festival, boy did I fall in love with it. Kanye West is one of those artists who can create pure music magic once he lets his ego get out of the way and let music take over- this is such an occasion. When Kanye came on and remixed it, keeping Justin’s vocals and, adding his own hip hop flavour, it just gelled so well together. I sometimes search for this song if I hadn’t heard it in a while because it is just one of those songs you need to hear every so often.

·         Song: No One’s Here To Sleep

Artist: Naughty Boy ft Bastille

If you don’t know of Naughty Boy then where have you been? He did the super catchy “Lala” song featuring Sam Smith on the vocals and also “Home” with Sam Romans. However there is a lesser known and older song from Naughty Boy that actually features the talents of Bastille (who’s lead Singer Dan Smith is actually from South Africa yay!). I came across this song is an episode of one my favourite shows – Teen Wolf (judge away, I know it is bad) but the song just captured my attention. It’s moody and dark but so great.

Additional Mention:  Wonder

This song is one banger. It just gets you grooving and dancing. Also it’s Naughty Boy featuring the talents of Emeli Sandé. I love seat dancing to it.

Extra:

Songs on the radio that I’m currently obsessed with –

1.       Goldfish – Away Game (Deepfish Mix)

2.       TiMo ODV ft Sarah Jackson – Save Me (Radio Edit) ←This song is amazing

3.       Zebra and Giraffe – Goodbye

4.       Kelly Clarkson – Heartbeat Song

All tracks should be available on iTunes.

I’m aware that the tunes aren’t exactly big club dance tracks but I’ll promise to keep an ear out for anything. What usually happens though is that the songs are always picked up by radio stations and killed to death on repeat so I tend to go for the smaller songs here.

If you have any suggestions don’t be scared to let me know in the comments below.

Theo. Over and Out.