Letting Yourself Down

It comes out of nowhere. That feeling...a concrete brick sinking into the pit of your stomach. It's covered with guilt, failure and disappointment. Usually it's the disappointment that stings the most.

I think that it is one of the most basic human feelings to want to be there for another person. Hoping to not let them down. It is something that I think everyone struggles with. No one wants to be a disappointment to the people closest to you. Feeling like a failure fucking sucks.

Unfortunately it is unavoidable. It happens to the best of us.

A topic that pertains to this though, that I wanted to tackle was: letting yourself down.

We have our moral codes and our ethics that we consciously (or subconsciously) live by. From a young age we were influenced from our parents, our surroundings and our experiences to form our own code of conduct and ethics.

The metaphorical lines in the sand we draw for ourselves; making vows and promises that we will never cross certain lines.

In an ideal world, we would never cross those lines, but the reality is that we do. Whenever we drop our standards or do something that compromises what we stand for - It is always a difficult pill to swallow.

We realise how full of imperfections we are, and how, as humans, we are influenced and affected by so much that happens around us.

I struggle with this.

Recently I had a moment where I felt like I was letting myself down. I realise in retrospect that it was over something small, but I honestly felt like I had disappointed myself. I strive to be a good person, and do the "right" thing but sometimes in doing so I set myself up for failure too.

There is no such thing as the "right" thing because what maybe right for you, could hurt someone else.

Everyone is hero in their own story, but yet, they maybe the villain in someone else's.

When something happens that I could have prevented, and it forces me to compromises my standards, naturally that makes me feel like shit.

Of course sometimes things are out of my control, which I cannot fix, but I can control how I react. In some ways, I let it get to me - which only does more harm than good, but the least I can do is dust myself off, and try my best to keep on going on.

A lesson to remember though is that you are not infallible. You are only human.

There are those instances too when we must violate our own promises and standard because life is never a matter of black and white, it is rather a series of experiences and interactions which makes us realise that sometimes we are living in the grey areas.

For example, you promised yourself that you would never cheat and that you hated everyone who cheated. Then out of nowhere came that instance where you found yourself in that situation; either because you got yourself there or because someone else lied to you and you suddenly found yourself in that predicament.

I have learned that while I do still think cheating is wrong, sometimes people screw up. It can be a one time thing, or it can be a issue that people have to work out within themselves but sometimes shit happens. Though, shit which gets caused by people themselves is an entirely other issue on it's own.

Also the instances of lying to those close to you because you know something - a truth that you have no right in revealing, that is going to come and hit them like wrecking ball, so all you can do is put on a brave face and prepare as you watch a unmovable wrecking ball about to damage them.

You feel like shit because there is nothing you can do, but you wait because you know that when that wrecking ball hits, you are going to need to be there for them.

No one wants to feel helpless, but sometimes things happen in such a way that you are struck helpless. Sometimes people need to help themselves because you can only do so much.

I was really interested in finding out what other people had to say on this matter, so I did.

"It feels like you've hit a new low," a colleague shared when asked how it feels when you let yourself down. One gentlemen, who overheard what I was writing about, gave some wisdom on the matter, "Chalk it up to experience. A learning curve - you can do better next time."



I was however, able to connect with this sentiment a female friend shared.

"It will be on my mind for weeks. I will think about the whole time, but then I will just end up disappointing myself... I will just have to deal with it and get over the initial pain afterwards."

Life forces you to adapt your standards and codes of conduct because life is life. You have to be malleable and adaptable because if you don't, then life will knock the shit out of you and beat you into submission.

BUT these are just moments that force us to realise that the line in the sand we drew for ourselves sometimes get washed away by the sea of life, we just have to be prepared to redraw them and repeatedly adjust.

Theo. Over and Out


PS- This blog post started out one way, and then it started taking a very different turn the more I started thinking about it. The reason for this was that I was all ready to say something and for it be a certain way, but the more I thought about it, and how life has affected me the more malleable I had to be.

It came down to a situation of idealism vs reality.

That aside, letting yourself down still sucks so try to be as true to you as you can be when you aren't stretching and adapting for life.

The Lion’s Tunes #7

Welcome to another edition of The Lion’s Tunes.

At the suggestion of a close friend, I decided to put my love of music to good use.

She pointed out to me that since I love music and listen to so much of it, I should share what songs I’m currently jamming to at the moment.

If you follow me on twitter then you’d know I usually tweet about what music has got me all caught up and catching feelings.

I’m by no means a music expert and I won’t pretend to be. Most of what will be written here is information I’ve learned on the net and just my personal opinions on the songs. So have at it...

·         Song: Didn’t Know You

Artist: Karmin

I love how just by browsing Youtube was I able to come across this song. Karmin is most well for their song Acapella and the viral video where the female lead singer manages to Rap Bust Rhymes' verse on "Look at me now". I really love this song, it's moody and poppy but there is nothing annoyingly bubblegum about it. It is just a song that makes you want to be in showdown like the video showcases...

·         Song: Nothing but Trouble

Artist: Lil Wayne and Charlie Puth

I must start off by saying that I didn't like Charlie Puth and I was having a hard time getting into his vibe.
I am not 100% sold on the guy, (maybe because I want to fuck him but I can't have him so that makes me dislike him??? IDK), but dude is talented. You can't hate on someone who is talented because my issues with him aside, he does have one helluva amazing voice. He really has power behind that voice, and also when it comes to getting working with other artists, he really makes a excellent addition to any song.

·         Omen

Artist: Disclosure ft Sam Smith

Album: Caracel

I loved their first collaboration together, Latch, because it was just so damn cool. The Disclosure brothers had teased the release of a new single that they did with Smith all over Instagram, and so by the time that the single came, I was more than ready to let it wash over me. I was really excited about it because while it was recorded a while back, it was the first single that Smith has out following his vocal surgery.

·         Song: Say Love

Artist: JoJo

As part of her comeback, JoJo has released a Tringle, which is a fancy way of say thing that she simultaneously released three songs as her first release for her comeback. She has been out of the music game for quite some time following her legal battle with record label.

I am obsessed with her song Say Love because when you sit and listen to her vocal, you can hear how truly amazing she is. I immediately took to Youtubing live performances and it is as captivating live as what the studio version is.

Additional Mention:

Save My Soul:



When Love Hurts:

·         Song: The Hills

Artist: The Weekend

I wish I had words, but I dont. Chills down my spine for days!

·         Song: Holding On

Artist: Tourist ft Josef Salvat, Nina

There is something hypnotic about this song. Not just the music video (because when you watch it, you will know what I mean) but the song is just so good. I stumbled across this song as what happens when you go into a Youtube rabbit hole. The vocals on the song are just goosebumps inducing and the production is superb as the beat just makes me want to move along.

·         Song: Caviar Dreams

Artist:  PHFat ft Al Bairre

Album: 5fm Mashlab

This song is a 5FM Mashlab, and it is just one superb song. I can't get enough of it. I have nothing else to say. I love how it took Al Bairre's sound and added with Phfat they came together to create this lovely piece of music that more people need to hear.

·         Song: Black Mambo

Artist: Glass Animals

Psychedelic pop is the only thing that comes to my mind when I think of as a way to describe the sound of this group. I love how weird their lyrics and their sound is but there is something about them that is just undeniably awesome. Admittedly their sound is not for everyone but that aside, the song comes from a group that I am just so love in. They are just so cool.

·         Song: Wild

Artist: Troye Sivan

EP: WILD

The South African born-Australian artist released his follow up EP WILD to his first musical effort TRXYE, and WILD is exactly how everyone reacted to the music. No one can deny that the Spud star is quite the talent, and it works in his favour that he is releasing music that is not trying to be something that it isn't. With Troye Sivan's music, it is what it is...and to me it is great. I love the vibe of it, and while I was initially thrown by the song WILD, it is a very good follow-up and I am excited to see where he goes next.

·         Song: Can't Sleep Love

Artist: Pentatonix

I first came to know about Pentatonix, the acapella group, after them winning the Grammy for Best Arrangement, Instrumental Or A Cappella earlier this year. The group then popped up again in Pitch Perfect 2 and it was really after that when I then went on a journey of their stuff. They also made the internet take note following their A Capella Michael Jackson medly (which I will share below). If you are not paying attention to PXT, then you better start because they are on the up and up.




Additional Mention: Michael Jackson Medley

·         Song: Let It All Go

Artist: Birdy + Rhodes

I came across this on my Facebook. I loved the music video, and just how saturated and lush colourful tones that they used. The song itself is pretty emotive and lovely to put on if you are feeling a bit emotional. I must admit this resonated with me quite a bit as it touched of some of my feelings about my break-up with the ex, and that is why I love it because it just speaks to the point of where you have to let it go.

Songs on the radio that I’m currently obsessed with –

1.      Major Lazer ft Ellie Goulding & Tarris Riley - Powerful

2.      Carly Rae Jepsen - Run Away With Me

3.      Demi Lovato - Cool for the Summer

4.      Taylor Swift - Wildest Dreams

5.      Hailee Steinfeild - I Love Me

- Yes, Hailee is the girl you saw in Pitch Perfect 2. I was surprised myself by her solo effort but damn. I love it. Also you can't really go wrong when singing a song about masturbation...especially one so catchy.

All tracks should be available on iTunes.

If you have any suggestions don’t be scared to let me know in the comments below.

Theo. Over and Out.

PS- “The right song will find you at the right time”

The Crying Game.

By now everyone knows that me and Bearded Lumberjack have made like a banana and split.

The first few days were rough but thankfully I have had work to distract me.

I am slowly moving on (and all that cliché break-up stuff) which is good for me but there is one thing that has me tripping balls.

I have not cried.

The reason why this is odd for me is because I tend to be a crier... a silent soundless crier... but a crier nonetheless.

Also, I think I cried more when we were together because of how emotionally invested I was:

1.       In one instance I cried because I was heart sore about something.

2.       In two other instances I cried when we were having a bonding moment.

---- I am an emotional guy okay. I think my emotional nature was why I managed to help out with an autism study actually so it’s not a bad thing I would like to think, but wearing my heart on my sleeve does come with many issues ----

This year –in fact, the last four months actually– has been one major learning experience after the other. They say you never really know yourself until you are faced with challenges and I have been learning a lot about myself, both good and bad.

Previously I wrote a whole blog post moping about not being able to fall for someone and all that angst related stuff that I said was not angst.

Well fast-forward to now and I’ve been through a relationship which only lasted a month.

Actually the one before this lasted two months – though I did see both of them about a handful of times, so clearly I am simultaneously getting better and worse at this relationship thing.

At the rate that I am going, my next relationship will last two weeks and I will have seen the person a handful of times too before we break-up.  I will laugh if that happens actually...not really, but somewhat.

ANYWAY, my weird humour and short-lived dating life aside, I must say that I have learned a lot from both relationships.

As much as it would be expected of me to bitch about the bearded lumberjack ex, this blog post isn’t about that because I am not that type of person. Bad mouthing the ex seems like a waste of energy to me especially when there is equal fault.

Basically, this post is specifically related to how difficult dating can be:

Honesty when Communicating

Honesty is important, like your relationship can sink or swim depending on this.

You need to be honest about how you are feeling but you also need to be sensitive about how you tell someone something. This is the dangerous dance that not everyone manages to get right.

Sure, being honest is hard, but lying helps no one. Added with that is the difficulty of trying to be honest while not hurting the feelings of the person you are dating.

It is so easy for things to be misconstrued so there needs to be a certain amount of tact when telling someone something.

Often times some people will tell you about the issues they are having with the relationship when it’s too late and then there is nothing you can do which will help or fix the situation.

Commitment

You have to be willing to stick it out and can’t be bailing after every fight or moment of anxiety about the relationship. Sure sometimes relationship do come to end but I make sure that I don’t regret not having done everything I could to prevent the relationship ending.

If I know that I have done that then I don’t feel too bad about the ways things turn out.

Life happens and sometimes something ends because there is something else further along the path where you need to be.

Timing:

Never start relationships weeks before they are about to write exams...

That is asking for trouble and it will only cause issues.

Also don’t rush it...I got too eager and invested too quickly and that in turn put pressure on both of us.

I made both of these mistakes and it ended poorly.

Letting it go

When all you want to do is hold them as close as possible, it is then that sometimes you just have to let them go.

Some people want to run away from happiness and commitment for various reasons, there is nothing you can do sometimes except just letting them be.

As long as you know that you tried your best to fight for the relationship, and you have no regrets about how things turned out, then all you have left to do is pull an Elsa and “Let it go”.

It’s never easy but there is nothing you can do about it.

I at least made an effort and the lumberjack just wasn’t interested and felt like I was being manipulative about wanting to get back together.

I was insulted by that sentiment because it made it seem like all I was concerned was about my feelings and what I wanted, but I had to learn to let it go.

We were both left hurt and frustrated but getting uptight now helps no one- we just have to deal.

We are all doing the best with the life we were given...sometimes you hold on for dear life, other times you need to let go.

That is just how the cookie crumbles.

Homosexuality:

This is not exactly something that can be avoided in my case but a consequence of coming out late is that while your heterosexual friends get to play the field and learn about stuff, you only get to start playing catch up and learning the rules.

Basically what this means is that I have only recently been learning the in and outs of dating...and boy is it hard.

It is not easy... it’s a steep learning curve that nothing can prepare you for.

Conclusion:

Obviously given my poor track record, I think that it is a given that I am going to be single for a while. I don’t have the emotional energy (nor am I ready) to start something new. I need to focus on me and make me a better person.

Maybe I am just a date one person a year kinda guy? Who knows? But clearly if we are going according to that statistic, then my quota has been filled for now and I will just wait until 2016 or beyond.

Title: The name of this blog post was titled “The Dating Game” but I changed it to “The Crying Game” because of a song that a friend from school (Rachel) suggested I listen to.

Theo. Over and Out.

PS - I also feel that my creative writing will be all the better for it too. I don’t write fiction as much as what I would like, but when I do, it makes me happy.

Am I really like this or just pretending?

I apologise for this post in advance because, to put it bluntly it’ll be some existential bullshit, but what does it mean to be human if we don’t have moments of existentialism and self-reflection on the odd occasion?

I would like to believe that I am a good person.

I try to be helpful and help make the world a less shitty place because life is shit enough and why in the hell do I need to add the misery of the world?

Whether I am a good person is whole other issue on its own.

I used to be somewhat regretful about being a goody-toe shoes in school and never really doing anything bad or truly rebellious in my life so far.

Sure I had a bit of fun, but the most adventurous thing I did in school was launch a broom across the room like a javelin twice in Grade 9, take a drag from someone’s cigarette and do some hubbly while I was Prefect at the occasional party.

I was the good, nice kid.

Now it’s all trivial really...

Otherwise that was it.

There was too much shit going on at home, school and emotionally for me to have a rebellious phase.

ALSO my mother put the fear of misbehaving in me.

I was so scared to do something wrong because my mother made it known that she would be there to make me regret messing up.

I had to get good grades, be polite, respect elders, be helpful, considerate and not cause unnecessary drama. I wouldn’t rock the boat or backchat because that was seen as being disrespectful and rude.

Whatever I was going through would always be insignificant compared to someone else who was going through a whole lot worse shit than I was.

I think it was that constant reminder that my shit was just an anthill compared to someone else’s mountain sized shit that made me try being selfless and less self-absorbed about my issues.

So I quickly tried my best to be a better human being.

My quest to be a better human shattered a bit with the gay thing because I had been raised to believe that it was wrong I would go to hell and etc.

I was left to pick up the pieces and deal with trying to be the whole I believed I was, with this new piece of the puzzle that everyone else said didn’t necessarily contribute towards making me a better person.

And the thing that no straight person can ever truly understand is that the gay thing really fucks you up. It might not fuck you up a lot but it does...

It affected emotionally and psychologically.

That along with the living a meaningful better life while facing socio-economic factors just did me a really solid. (Sarcasm)

I didn’t really get that it would affect me until later actually, on a subconscious level but all the external pressures, the” trying to do my best” pressures, and “trying to be a better human” pressures feels like it’s all led me to question things:

Is anything I am doing is actually something that I want to do out of the kindness of my heart or something I do because I believe it’s what I have been taught is what I ought to do.

What brought this particular topic up is when someone I was developing feelings for mentioned how sweet of a person I was and that I was too sweet and etc...

It made me wonder if I was trying too hard to be this “sweet person” or if I was just pretending to be this sweet sincere person?

Lately I feel like I am fucking up and like I could be trying harder or doing more and like I am letting myself down by not trying to be a better person.  Sure I am adding pressure to myself but I don’t know how not to...

A consequence of all of this is that I tend to be highly emotional, intimidated by authority (because I don’t want to do something wrong) and high strung. I bottle a lot up and when I manage to find a emotional release, I tend to channel a lot of my subsequent emotions into that one avenue.

I struggle to modulate and moderate...and it can be overwhelming.

There is this saying (that I think I’ve coined) and it goes – “We’re all doing the best with the life we are given.”

I would like to believe that I am doing my best...whether I am, I don’t know...can I be doing better...of course.

I have no clue if some of the stuff I do if out of desire or a compulsion to do the right thing (habit) but nonetheless, it is what it is...

Am I really like this or am I just pretending??

I’ll let you know when I find out.

March In Review: A Whole New World

I have always believed that you experience certain phases for a time and then you move on to the next big thing.

Life happens in such a way that you have primary school, then high school (if you don’t drop out) followed by university (if you can afford it) and finally you start working.

I have started the work phase of my life, and it’s been an interesting time for me.

Previously I’ve been asked if I ever miss school/varsity now that I’m working and honestly I don’t – but only because of being the type of person I am.

I make the best of my time in the certain phases of my life then when the time comes to move on, I do.

I was never saddened to matriculate because I did the numerous school plays, was a prefect and enjoyed all the high school moments (the highs and lows). With university, I was so happy when I graduated because it was a huge achievement for me.

I wouldn’t have mind doing Honours sure, but the finances weren’t there so I had to move on from UCT and if I’m being honest, I am glad that I did.

If you had asked me this in February then my answer would have been very different because unemployment fatigue was setting in, but now however, I love where I am at.

Where may that be you ask?

Being a responsible and working adult for the first time in my life.

In one of my previous posts – Being the Poor Friend – I explained why I had never had a job before. Now since I’ve had time to settle in at work and learn what being a working adult means, I realised that I am glad I never worked before because I wouldn’t have handled the responsibility well.

With everything happening in my life previously, I would’ve had a breakdown.

It took for me learn about myself and then endure the hardships of figuring out I’m not straight (with all of that baggage) for me to finally be where I am today.

I was a very gentle kid growing up who would cry for everything, so life needed to toughen me up. Sure I still have some way to go but I happy with my progress, I’m not as fragile as what I once was.

Anyway, back to the point of this – working.

Work is really hard guys, and sooo exhausting... but mostly it’s really rewarding.

When I got the news that I was accepted into the internship programme at Independent Media, my whole attitude towards it was that I want to learn as much as I can. If the 6 months of my internship comes and they happen to let me go, I know that I will have received everything out of the experience that I wanted.

I know this already because the first month of work has already taught me so much.

I won’t lie, I’m a little worried that things at work will go pear shaped but that is because I’m neurotic. Oddly enough it is not the big dramas that freak me out, rather the small little things that trip me up.

I feel like I’m not smart enough or hard working enough but I know that that is just my self-doubt talking.

I need to remind myself to stay calm and get out of my own way.

This past month has been filled with lots of laughs, getting to meet and interview new people and having some of the best experiences in my life so far:

-          Working on the 16^th Cape Town International Jazz Festival was amazing and getting to spend some time with kickass people.

-          The late nights where literally the only thing keeping you going was the energy of those around you.

-          Learning about the media industry and that there are long painstaking hours that go into producing a newspaper has been eye opening.

-          How to write articles, because they aren’t the same thing as essays.

-          Operating new equipment and what works best for different mediums.

-          The hot photographers that you see and on occasion want to do the dirty with. (That one blonde haired beauty from EWN though!!! I would marry him.)

-          The really cool people I get to work with in my team who are starting to feel like a second family.

Mojo so strong, you'll fall under our spell.

All of the above have been really invaluable experiences so far and I have loved it.

Sure there have been a few low points but that comes with everything in life – sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down. You just have to keep rolling with the punches.

I have no clue where this journey I’m currently on will take me but I’m eager to find out.

Can I also just say that I’m damn proud of myself  of surviving through March because finances were tight and my phone was fucking out so I had no contact with my friends compared to what I usually do. I didn’t have them to keep me motivated all the time. I really really missed them, but I also know that I can count of myself too...

I made myself a list of goals in January that I needed to achieve before the end of this year and I will share them with you now (don’t judge):

1.       Employment

2.       Bank Account (one that lasted and that doesn’t get closed because of no money being put into it)

3.       Drivers Licence

4.       Passport

Those are 4 goals, two of which I have already crossed off.

They seem very silly to me now but when I wrote that at the start of this year, they meant something. The reason why there were only four was because I thought it would take me forever to cross off the first one.

I seriously doubted that I would achieve them.

The next thing on my list is my driver’s licence which I’m daunted by (read: shit scared and pissing my pants) but before the end of this year I will accomplish it.

2015 has surprised me in many ways, and I look forward to what else it has in store for me.

Who knows maybe I may finally get to say that I’ve finally been on an airplane before the end of it? Or even find myself a fiancée? 

Theo. Over and Out. 

PS – I’m half joking about the fiancée thing; I am very much want to be about letting love happen naturally (well as naturally as what my personality will allow). For now I am focusing on myself and work at the moment, but I can only keep the hopeless romantic in me within his cage for 80% of the time. 

The Lion’s Tunes #2

Welcome to another edition of The Lion’s Tunes.

At the suggestion of a close friend, I decided to put my love of music to good use.

She pointed out to me that since I love music and listen to so much of it, I should share what songs I’m currently jamming to at the moment.

If you follow me on twitter then you’d know I usually tweet about what music has got me all caught up and catching feelings.

If I can sum up this week’s music selection it would be – Soulful, Truth Bombs and Sassy Funk.

I’m by no means a music expert and I won’t pretend to be. Most of what will be written here is information I’ve learned on the net and just my personal opinions on the songs. So have at it...

·         Song: Gold Dust

Artist: Galantis

Album:

Description:

After hearing their hit song “You & I (Runaway)” I knew that I wanted to hear more from this group. There was something about the song that just couldn’t get me to leave it alone. Sometimes with some EDM songs you don’t know whether they a momentary flash in the pans or something you will be able to hear on your playlist without skipping- “You and I (Runaway)” is a song like that for me.

 After a quick search, I discovered their follow up single “Gold Dust” and boy was I not disappointed. Staying in tune with their sound they deliver a track with emotion and beat. I really enjoy this track; it’s quieter but no less potent. I highly recommended it.

Additional Mention: Smile.

Interesting to note that Galantis is a Swedish duo composed of one of the Miike Snow members, Christian “Bloodshy” Karlsson and Linus Eklӧw. If you’ve heard of Miike Snow you’d know their sound is quirky given that it’s within the EDM genre but it works for them. Anyways someone on Twitter suggested I hear their song “Smile”, and as nice as it is, for me I find it somewhat generic. It’s like that song on an album that’s nice but it’ll never stand out for you.  That being said, not every song can be a superb hit so a few duds are to be expected. All in all I’d suggest giving more of their music a listen and find out if you like what they are selling because I certainly do.

·         Song:  Twisted Tongue

Artist: Misterwives

Album: Our Own House

Description:

When I was pondering about this particular song from the band, the words that came to me were “Sassy Jazzy Rock” and in some ways that perfect encapsulates their vibe. I picture myself in a vibey New York City bar, or something like the one in the movie “Going the Distance”, where you just reveal in the sound of a band and groove the night away. The band definitely knows their sound and who can deny it because it works. “Twisted Tongue” has that sass and also there’s a lovely section in the song where they get funky which just works so well. I think “Twisted Tongue” should be playing in movie scenes and credits.

I’m listening to this song now and it made me think of Duffy is some ways. With music it is only common to compare artists and the sound of Misterwives reminds me of Duffy, but I think that is just because of the lead singer’s voice. I wouldn’t automatically dismiss them if you dislike Duffy though. There is something so catchy about the song. You might not hear it on the first listen (I didn’t) but this song is soo funky. I bet you that you’ll be singing the tune or lyrics of “...you just managed to mask what’s now clear as glass, and that is – you’re an ASS-HOLE.”

Additional Mention: Reflections

Their funky side becomes clearer in this song. I really don’t have much further to add other than the above. All I want to do is just stop typing and groove along to the song. Reflections grew on me.

·         Song: Hard Time

Artist: Seinabo Sey

EP: For Madeleine

Description:

This song fits into my own made genre of what I like to call “Truth Bomb EDM”. It's the type of song you dance to in your room at night with your eyes closed and just shutting yourself off from the rest of the world. Having some de-stress alone time. The drum beat gives me that Amazonian Marching Band vibe. Please please please go and give this song a listen because the voice of this Swedish-Gambian singer should be heard.

“Hard time forgiving, even harder forgetting; before you do somethin’, you might regret...”

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/who-is-seinabo-sey-introducing-the-swedishgambian-singer-inspired-by-her-dual-identity-9600349.html

Additional Mention: Younger

This song was released before their song “Hard Time”, and I didn’t like it. I thought that the potential was there but the song didn’t really do much. As what often happens with me is that I sometimes judge songs too quickly, and not all songs make a home in your heart immediately. This one grew on me and while I never seek it on my playlist, when it does come on it just makes me stop and I don’t skip it. You feel the hairs on your arm raise because it just has that truth bomb factor. You just have to listen. There is something haunting but thought provoking about the song and it just makes me like it all the more for what it is.

·         Song: Say You Love Me

Artist: Jessie Ware

Album: Tough Love (Delux Edition)

I came across this saying that I just felt was so perfect; it went something to the effect of -“The right song will find you at the right time”. This song happened that way to me. I was on tumblr, browsing someone’s account when suddenly my earphones were playing this song. I immediately fell in love and went to search it. This is a song I became so obsessed with, as I was writing this week’s blog post, I found this and I had to add it.

I love this song for many reasons because it speaks to that moment when all you want from the person you have feelings is just for them to say they love you (see what I did there?). I even used it as a chapter title for my online story; this song is just pure bliss. Don’t mind me while I quote the whole Second Verse and Chorus:

“Just say you love me, just for today.

And don’t give me time, ‘cause that’s not the same

Mmm... want to feel burning flames when you say my name

Want to feel passion flow into my bones like blood through my veins.

Cause I don’t want to fall in love

If you don’t want to try

But all that I’ve been thinking of is maybe that you might

And babe it looks as though we’re running out of words to say and love’s floating away.”

Additional Mention:  Tough Love

I only heard this in the past few days and I get why it’s the title track for the album. More people really need to know about Jessie Ware. Her musicality really shines through, and she knows exactly how to use her voice. Wispy and gentle when it needs to be as witnessed in “Tough Love” and uses the power of her voice when she needs to.

Hot Pick of the Week:

·        Artist: Kwabs

EP: Walk

Soulful. Fresh. Silky.

Those are the three words I’d use describe Kwabs. There is something special about this guy, and when his album gets released in May this year, it will be a must have. As what often happens within the music industry (from my little understanding) is that these artists often release EP’s to give people a taste of their sound and then if people bite these artists are rushed into the studio to produce a full length album.

Do yourself a favour and purchase his EP (a quick Google search confirms that it’s on iTunes) because I promise you won’t be disappointed. The title track, “Walk” has been playlisted on radio stations so I’m certain you’ve heard but still, there are so many gems.  It was released in October last year but my word it’s great. As I’m typing this, I’m currently obsessing over “Into You” *dance breakdown*, getting goosebumps from “Pray For Love” and just treating my soul to some good music with “Saved”, “Last Stand”, “Wrong or Right” and “Spirit Fade”.

If all is right in the world then this talented man from Ghana will hopefully blow up in a huge way.

http://www.nme.com/blogs/nme-blogs/nme-exclusive-listen-to-kwabs-stunning-and-soulful-new-ep-walk

The “Oud maar nog nie Koud nie”:

There might not always be this section within future posts but I thought I would add it in this one nonetheless. These songs aren’t new (and may or may not exactly be well known) but yet are still banging. The section title is in Afrikaans which in English means “The old but not yet cold”.

·        Song: Woods

Artist: Bon Iver  

I came across Bon Iver after they won the Grammy actually, famously beating out Justin Bieber in some category or other. I was like well let me go give a listen to their music. I will admit that I’m still not sure if Bon Iver is one person/ duo or group because from my understanding it seems like there is the lead singer and recurring members. Getting back this song however, it gave me chills; haunting and eerie but it works. I loved how the song was describing that feeling of being lost within life by using woods as a metaphor.  We’re all just stumbling through the woods of our lives not knowing where we are going but feeling out way through it.

Additional Mention: Lost in the World (Kanye West’s version/remix of Woods).

When I first heard about this, I thought “great Kanye probably butchered the song” but when I saw the video of Kanye and the lead singer of Bon Iver (Justin Vernon) performing this together at the Coachella music festival, boy did I fall in love with it. Kanye West is one of those artists who can create pure music magic once he lets his ego get out of the way and let music take over- this is such an occasion. When Kanye came on and remixed it, keeping Justin’s vocals and, adding his own hip hop flavour, it just gelled so well together. I sometimes search for this song if I hadn’t heard it in a while because it is just one of those songs you need to hear every so often.

·         Song: No One’s Here To Sleep

Artist: Naughty Boy ft Bastille

If you don’t know of Naughty Boy then where have you been? He did the super catchy “Lala” song featuring Sam Smith on the vocals and also “Home” with Sam Romans. However there is a lesser known and older song from Naughty Boy that actually features the talents of Bastille (who’s lead Singer Dan Smith is actually from South Africa yay!). I came across this song is an episode of one my favourite shows – Teen Wolf (judge away, I know it is bad) but the song just captured my attention. It’s moody and dark but so great.

Additional Mention:  Wonder

This song is one banger. It just gets you grooving and dancing. Also it’s Naughty Boy featuring the talents of Emeli Sandé. I love seat dancing to it.

Extra:

Songs on the radio that I’m currently obsessed with –

1.       Goldfish – Away Game (Deepfish Mix)

2.       TiMo ODV ft Sarah Jackson – Save Me (Radio Edit) ←This song is amazing

3.       Zebra and Giraffe – Goodbye

4.       Kelly Clarkson – Heartbeat Song

All tracks should be available on iTunes.

I’m aware that the tunes aren’t exactly big club dance tracks but I’ll promise to keep an ear out for anything. What usually happens though is that the songs are always picked up by radio stations and killed to death on repeat so I tend to go for the smaller songs here.

If you have any suggestions don’t be scared to let me know in the comments below.

Theo. Over and Out.