March In Review: A Whole New World

I have always believed that you experience certain phases for a time and then you move on to the next big thing.

Life happens in such a way that you have primary school, then high school (if you don’t drop out) followed by university (if you can afford it) and finally you start working.

I have started the work phase of my life, and it’s been an interesting time for me.

Previously I’ve been asked if I ever miss school/varsity now that I’m working and honestly I don’t – but only because of being the type of person I am.

I make the best of my time in the certain phases of my life then when the time comes to move on, I do.

I was never saddened to matriculate because I did the numerous school plays, was a prefect and enjoyed all the high school moments (the highs and lows). With university, I was so happy when I graduated because it was a huge achievement for me.

I wouldn’t have mind doing Honours sure, but the finances weren’t there so I had to move on from UCT and if I’m being honest, I am glad that I did.

If you had asked me this in February then my answer would have been very different because unemployment fatigue was setting in, but now however, I love where I am at.

Where may that be you ask?

Being a responsible and working adult for the first time in my life.

In one of my previous posts – Being the Poor Friend – I explained why I had never had a job before. Now since I’ve had time to settle in at work and learn what being a working adult means, I realised that I am glad I never worked before because I wouldn’t have handled the responsibility well.

With everything happening in my life previously, I would’ve had a breakdown.

It took for me learn about myself and then endure the hardships of figuring out I’m not straight (with all of that baggage) for me to finally be where I am today.

I was a very gentle kid growing up who would cry for everything, so life needed to toughen me up. Sure I still have some way to go but I happy with my progress, I’m not as fragile as what I once was.

Anyway, back to the point of this – working.

Work is really hard guys, and sooo exhausting... but mostly it’s really rewarding.

When I got the news that I was accepted into the internship programme at Independent Media, my whole attitude towards it was that I want to learn as much as I can. If the 6 months of my internship comes and they happen to let me go, I know that I will have received everything out of the experience that I wanted.

I know this already because the first month of work has already taught me so much.

I won’t lie, I’m a little worried that things at work will go pear shaped but that is because I’m neurotic. Oddly enough it is not the big dramas that freak me out, rather the small little things that trip me up.

I feel like I’m not smart enough or hard working enough but I know that that is just my self-doubt talking.

I need to remind myself to stay calm and get out of my own way.

This past month has been filled with lots of laughs, getting to meet and interview new people and having some of the best experiences in my life so far:

-          Working on the 16^th Cape Town International Jazz Festival was amazing and getting to spend some time with kickass people.

-          The late nights where literally the only thing keeping you going was the energy of those around you.

-          Learning about the media industry and that there are long painstaking hours that go into producing a newspaper has been eye opening.

-          How to write articles, because they aren’t the same thing as essays.

-          Operating new equipment and what works best for different mediums.

-          The hot photographers that you see and on occasion want to do the dirty with. (That one blonde haired beauty from EWN though!!! I would marry him.)

-          The really cool people I get to work with in my team who are starting to feel like a second family.

Mojo so strong, you'll fall under our spell.

All of the above have been really invaluable experiences so far and I have loved it.

Sure there have been a few low points but that comes with everything in life – sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down. You just have to keep rolling with the punches.

I have no clue where this journey I’m currently on will take me but I’m eager to find out.

Can I also just say that I’m damn proud of myself  of surviving through March because finances were tight and my phone was fucking out so I had no contact with my friends compared to what I usually do. I didn’t have them to keep me motivated all the time. I really really missed them, but I also know that I can count of myself too...

I made myself a list of goals in January that I needed to achieve before the end of this year and I will share them with you now (don’t judge):

1.       Employment

2.       Bank Account (one that lasted and that doesn’t get closed because of no money being put into it)

3.       Drivers Licence

4.       Passport

Those are 4 goals, two of which I have already crossed off.

They seem very silly to me now but when I wrote that at the start of this year, they meant something. The reason why there were only four was because I thought it would take me forever to cross off the first one.

I seriously doubted that I would achieve them.

The next thing on my list is my driver’s licence which I’m daunted by (read: shit scared and pissing my pants) but before the end of this year I will accomplish it.

2015 has surprised me in many ways, and I look forward to what else it has in store for me.

Who knows maybe I may finally get to say that I’ve finally been on an airplane before the end of it? Or even find myself a fiancée? 

Theo. Over and Out. 

PS – I’m half joking about the fiancée thing; I am very much want to be about letting love happen naturally (well as naturally as what my personality will allow). For now I am focusing on myself and work at the moment, but I can only keep the hopeless romantic in me within his cage for 80% of the time. 

Being the poor friend...

So I’ve wanted to write this post for quite some time but was very apprehensive because discussing personal finances is a very sensitive issue. Sure, it is something that we deal with every day but it’s just not something we really discuss...

I was having a Whatsapp conversation with a new friend of mine, and it was because of that chat that I finally found a way to write about this topic (thanks DDR, super amped you’re getting married by the way).

The financial gap between all of the various social classes continues to be quite large, and growing, but unfortunately that is something not only happening in South Africa; it is something that is happening all over the world.

We live in an age where the rich people are getting richer, the poor people are getting poorer and the middle class people continue to struggle in their attempt to make ends meet.

I wanted to speak about this in a way that hits a little closer to home for me though – being the poor friend in your group of friends.

Sometimes life happens. Circumstances that are out of your control result in you being the least financially stable friend.  Your friends don’t intend to make you self-aware of the fact that you are the poor friend but it’s just something you pick up on.

Being the poor friend is extremely shit...and I know this because I am THAT friend.

Before I really get into this, let me just say that none of my friends are wealthy.  Some are better off than others, but we are all suffering under the high price of living.

I have been very fortunate to have friends in my life who are accommodating and understanding of the fact that I oftentimes don’t have the money to go out as often as I, or they, would like.

I owe them a great deal and shall one day make it up to them - buying my best friend a house (if I’m making millions and it doesn’t bankrupt me), chocolates and treating the others for meals when I’m finally earning a steady income; but until that glorious day arrives, my poor friend status is still in check.

So the most obvious question is that since I’m the poor friend, why haven’t I done something about it?

Well mainly because I was studying (doing a triple major actually) and I was already struggling to find a balance with my studies. I almost bombed out in second year of varsity because I felt so overwhelmed. I could’ve have got a job in the holidays but I was required to fill the role of babysitter looking after my youngest brother whenever it was needed. 

When you come from a single parent household who has to provide for three kids on one salary and still pay for university fees (I was on financial aid but that only covered a portion of it) it often became very exhausting and overwhelming for my mother. Money was tight, and so to save on paying for crèche fees, I chipped in to look after my brothers whenever I could.

In some ways, I think, it was why I have been late to reach certain landmarks – not having my driver’s licence for example, because it was R200 that had to be paid to take the damn test; never mind the driving lessons fee. All I kept thinking was “that’s X number of breads, X many litres of milk, X days of bus fair and X amount of electricity units”.

Being neurotic has made overtly aware of being the poor friend, and because of this, there have been times when I was invited out with my friends and I would lie about my availability.

An excuse such as “I’m not feeling well” or creating some illness to avoid going out with them was something I would often do... I sometimes still do that, but more because I hate the fact that my friends have to cover my part of the bill sometimes. If I have money then I’ll gladly pay my part of the bill or chip in with tip or pay the car park fee but those days come around about as often as a blue moon.

You try your best to make it all the parties/birthdays/dinners that they invite you to, because these are people who you’d give a kidney for; but still there are times you have no money so you do the only thing you can - decline their company.

When declining their company often enough, you feel bad about it; but there is nothing you can do except settle in and watch TV series in your pyjamas.

I know that I’m not the only one to have experienced being the poor friend, which is why I felt so strongly about writing this. I just want to specify that being the poor friend doesn’t mean you are the bum of the group. The bum of the group is usually the person who can afford to pay for stuff but is just too cheapskate to add their part.

No one likes that friend.

I am very grateful for the fact that my friends have been so patient and understanding. I have on many occasions had heart-to-heart conversations about this issue with them and they just make me want to cry because they’re like “it’s cool”, “we understand” and “stop stressing so much”.

They don’t make a thing about it, and that fact just causes a lump in my throat.

I’m very lucky to have people in my life who love me as much as they do because it can only be an act of true love to put up with me – and not just the parts of me they like.

One day when I find myself in a steady job, earning a lot of money (shh let me believe this fantasy), I look forward to being able to make it up to all my really awesome true friends for all the stuff they’ve put up with.

Theo. Over and Out.

PS – To all my friends who have stuck with me during the hard times and been there for me, I love you lots like jelly tots.