March In Review: A Whole New World

I have always believed that you experience certain phases for a time and then you move on to the next big thing.

Life happens in such a way that you have primary school, then high school (if you don’t drop out) followed by university (if you can afford it) and finally you start working.

I have started the work phase of my life, and it’s been an interesting time for me.

Previously I’ve been asked if I ever miss school/varsity now that I’m working and honestly I don’t – but only because of being the type of person I am.

I make the best of my time in the certain phases of my life then when the time comes to move on, I do.

I was never saddened to matriculate because I did the numerous school plays, was a prefect and enjoyed all the high school moments (the highs and lows). With university, I was so happy when I graduated because it was a huge achievement for me.

I wouldn’t have mind doing Honours sure, but the finances weren’t there so I had to move on from UCT and if I’m being honest, I am glad that I did.

If you had asked me this in February then my answer would have been very different because unemployment fatigue was setting in, but now however, I love where I am at.

Where may that be you ask?

Being a responsible and working adult for the first time in my life.

In one of my previous posts – Being the Poor Friend – I explained why I had never had a job before. Now since I’ve had time to settle in at work and learn what being a working adult means, I realised that I am glad I never worked before because I wouldn’t have handled the responsibility well.

With everything happening in my life previously, I would’ve had a breakdown.

It took for me learn about myself and then endure the hardships of figuring out I’m not straight (with all of that baggage) for me to finally be where I am today.

I was a very gentle kid growing up who would cry for everything, so life needed to toughen me up. Sure I still have some way to go but I happy with my progress, I’m not as fragile as what I once was.

Anyway, back to the point of this – working.

Work is really hard guys, and sooo exhausting... but mostly it’s really rewarding.

When I got the news that I was accepted into the internship programme at Independent Media, my whole attitude towards it was that I want to learn as much as I can. If the 6 months of my internship comes and they happen to let me go, I know that I will have received everything out of the experience that I wanted.

I know this already because the first month of work has already taught me so much.

I won’t lie, I’m a little worried that things at work will go pear shaped but that is because I’m neurotic. Oddly enough it is not the big dramas that freak me out, rather the small little things that trip me up.

I feel like I’m not smart enough or hard working enough but I know that that is just my self-doubt talking.

I need to remind myself to stay calm and get out of my own way.

This past month has been filled with lots of laughs, getting to meet and interview new people and having some of the best experiences in my life so far:

-          Working on the 16^th Cape Town International Jazz Festival was amazing and getting to spend some time with kickass people.

-          The late nights where literally the only thing keeping you going was the energy of those around you.

-          Learning about the media industry and that there are long painstaking hours that go into producing a newspaper has been eye opening.

-          How to write articles, because they aren’t the same thing as essays.

-          Operating new equipment and what works best for different mediums.

-          The hot photographers that you see and on occasion want to do the dirty with. (That one blonde haired beauty from EWN though!!! I would marry him.)

-          The really cool people I get to work with in my team who are starting to feel like a second family.

Mojo so strong, you'll fall under our spell.

All of the above have been really invaluable experiences so far and I have loved it.

Sure there have been a few low points but that comes with everything in life – sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down. You just have to keep rolling with the punches.

I have no clue where this journey I’m currently on will take me but I’m eager to find out.

Can I also just say that I’m damn proud of myself  of surviving through March because finances were tight and my phone was fucking out so I had no contact with my friends compared to what I usually do. I didn’t have them to keep me motivated all the time. I really really missed them, but I also know that I can count of myself too...

I made myself a list of goals in January that I needed to achieve before the end of this year and I will share them with you now (don’t judge):

1.       Employment

2.       Bank Account (one that lasted and that doesn’t get closed because of no money being put into it)

3.       Drivers Licence

4.       Passport

Those are 4 goals, two of which I have already crossed off.

They seem very silly to me now but when I wrote that at the start of this year, they meant something. The reason why there were only four was because I thought it would take me forever to cross off the first one.

I seriously doubted that I would achieve them.

The next thing on my list is my driver’s licence which I’m daunted by (read: shit scared and pissing my pants) but before the end of this year I will accomplish it.

2015 has surprised me in many ways, and I look forward to what else it has in store for me.

Who knows maybe I may finally get to say that I’ve finally been on an airplane before the end of it? Or even find myself a fiancée? 

Theo. Over and Out. 

PS – I’m half joking about the fiancée thing; I am very much want to be about letting love happen naturally (well as naturally as what my personality will allow). For now I am focusing on myself and work at the moment, but I can only keep the hopeless romantic in me within his cage for 80% of the time. 

Don’t let your neurotic tendencies stop you...

I wring my hands thinking, “Should I? What if I make a mistake? It might end well but I’m not sure? Why do I keep doing this to myself?” and every other thought I overanalyse whenever something significant happens or there is a decision looms over my head.

Such are the perks of having neurotic tendencies.

Having a certain level of contemplation and being occasionally neurotic is a totally acceptable part of being human, but often the problem arises once that level of contemplation or neuroticism becomes excessive and even affects our daily lives.

Once I had a conversation with my friend about is the fact that we’re both over-thinkers:

Her: “Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you were never at war with your mind? I think about it all the time... How I'd be such a different person if I wasn't so involved in my own mind."

Me: “All the time! I think life would be so much more engaging and effortless without the emotionally taxing baggage that comes with battling with my own mind! Like decisions would never be analysed to the nth degree.”

Her: “Right? I get so resentful sometimes because some people have it so easy... And we didn't ask to have overactive brains, they just happened. I wonder how neurotic people get into normal relationships with normal people. It seems sort of impossible. It’s like an evolutionary block put in place to help lower the amount of humans in the world.”

It can be the most frustrating thing to want to do something, but then thinking about it to such a degree that you ended up doing nothing or doing something about it too late.

Having neurotic tendencies often leads to so much time being wasted when thinking about a situation instead of actually making a decision about it; this becomes problematic especially if you allow opportunities to pass you by because you were thinking about the ramifications too much.

We’ve all been there in that situation- either romantic, academic or professional – where we’ve been presented with a opportunity that could have such a vast impact on our lives but instead of making a decision about the opportunity, we choose to obsess over it and think about in every single way through different perspectives for so long that by the time we reach a conclusion, the opportunity is gone.

When you realise that you have feelings for your friend but you spend so much time thinking about how they would react that you may miss your chance to say something allowing them to date someone else, or you are contemplating making a professional change to something you love but scared of the repercussions it might have so you do nothing.

I recently graduated and this fact has been looming largely over me because all I’m thinking about is “I need to get a job” or “what if I get nothing and become a bum, I’d be such a failure” or “Why is everyone else succeeding and I’m wasting my life”; these are just an example of the daily thoughts I experience.

I had to tell myself to stop and that it’s okay to take a moment to reflect on the situation. I told myself that as long as I keep putting in the hard work then everything will work out the way it is supposed to. It’s okay to go through the occasional dry patch.

Don’t let being neurotic stop you from living your life. Try to be present in the moment and take a risk on something that might or might not work out, instead of not doing anything at all. Sometimes making an impromptu decision you haven’t overanalysed could lead to unexpected and great things.